Friday, April 14, 2006

Dear blog, I have sinned - warning - a bit emo

Well, it's confession time. Maybe if I confess here, it'll be official.

The last couple of weeks have not been good. I've been going through a lot, and it's been making me feel anxious and emotional. When I'm anxious and emotional, I stop exercising. I also start shovelling crap down me. And of course, I'm too embarassed to blog about it.

Last night, I had french fries. Earlier in the day, two coconut cream cookies. I've had chocolate every single day for the past week, and we're not just talking a little piece here or there - we're talking about LOTS of chocolate. It's like I'm trying to drown my sorrows in the sugar-sweet abyss that is chocolate. Chocolate cake, pizza...I've had other junk, which I've blocked out of my mind.

Of course, if I'd been exercising, life would probably be okay. It would have probably helped my anxiety, and would have countered the effect of the food. But once I start on the junk food rampage, I always get to the "well, i'm ruined right now anyway, so why bother?" attitude. Which is totally and utterly wrong.

I'm starting to think about why food is so comforting during uncertain times. Why food? Why not a long run in the park, a nice bubble bath, a good book, or a nice cup of tea? I need to address the root cause of the problem - and that is, I use food as an emotional crutch.

I need to take better care of myself, or I'm never going to be healthy.

So, I'm giving myself another chance - because I'm totally worth it! Today is the start of a new day, and a new beginning. I've come this far, and I'm determined to not let it all go.

Friday, April 28th - 5lb goal.


Ria said...

That's the way girl - I have so many nights like this, and like you I end up chastising myself for not thinking beforehand and planning a walk or a bit of e-time without the binge. But at least we can start afresh and move the hell on - always a good trait :)

LouisaMcKenna said...

I so identified with what you're saying here Sonya. I do the "Oh well Ive buggered it up now, might as well finish the job!" thing as well even though I know one small slip up is not the end of the world and tomorrow really is another day. Instead of getting my walking shoes on, I see what else I can clean out of the fridge! Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start again.