Well, this weekend has been crap as far as eating goes. Hubby talked me into making nachos at home on Saturday. It's not his fault - I haven't really told him that I'm going hard core on my diet again - it was up to me to decline, but I didn't. Hubby then told me how much he missed my home-baked chocolate-chip cookies...and before I knew it, I was baking them for him. Of course, I had to have a few.
So where, oh where has my willpower gone? Where, oh where can it be?
I'm trying to remember that I've just gone through the biggest change of my entire life. And everytime that happens, I cling to food for security. It has always been the constant for me. Like, before I got married, I managed to get within 7lbs of my goal weight. I lost about 65lbs over two years! Lots of determination and commitment to my diet and exercise. I never felt so good. After I got married, I gained every single pound back. And four years later, I'm still struggling to lose it. When I left home for university, I gained almost 40lbs that year. I just don't fare very well when it comes to big changes - and I inevitably gain a lot of weight.
The reason why it's different this time, is because I'm conscious of what I'm doing. I may not be able to STOP it sometimes, but I'm still aware.
So, I'm trying not to let things spiral out of control to the point where I feel like I can't return. There's a fire within me that's determined to fight hard this time. And while I had a bad weekend, I'm putting it behind me. And while I may fall off the wagon quite often at the beginning of this journey - the important thing, is that I climb back on again.
Since I screwed up so royally this weekend, I thought, why bother working out today? I'll just start tomorrow. That's SO the wrong attitude. I need to start the second I realize I've fallen off. So, I'm still going to the gym today. I know I'll feel better for it, even though it might feel like it's in vain at the moment.
So, that's my update for the weekend. I'm still going to weigh in tomorrow, even though I know I'll have gained. But it's better than being in denial.
Cowgirl Warrior had a post about being grateful for things in our lives. What a great idea. We rarely appreciate all the good things we have, and instead, tend to focus on all the things we lack. So, here's my list:
1. I'm grateful for my beautiful, baby girl who came into my life just over 7 weeks ago. Before she arrived, I couldn't imagine life with her. Now, I can't imagine life without her. Despite the sleepless nights and endless days, she is the light of my life and the apple of my eye.
2. I'm grateful for my supportive and loving husband. I'd have to devote an entire book to how wonderful he is, so I'll just say that he is my hero. I couldn't function without him.
3. I'm grateful that my parents and in-laws are alive. Although my father has some health issues, he is a real fighter, and I hope he is with me for a long time to come.
4. I'm grateful to have a wonderful younger brother. He may not readily admit it (seeing as he's only 22 years old!), but when I look at him, I see the spitting image of myself.
5. I'm grateful for my health. That I can walk, breathe, see, hear, and feel. I may not be happy with my weight, but that's something that I can actually change.
6. I'm grateful that my husband and I have jobs, enough food to eat, and a home to live in.
7. I'm grateful that I can take a whole year off for maternity leave so that I can watch my baby girl grow. See her first smile, her first tooth, her first crawling...and eventually, her first steps. And I want to catch her in my arms when that happens.
8. I'm grateful for all the things in life that I've been able to experience up until now - like my education, travelling, and marriage. Of course, there can never be enough travel, but I'm lucky to have seen some amazing parts of our world.
9. I'm grateful for my morals and values. I hope that I can pass some of those along to my daughter.
10. Finally, I'm grateful that I can be grateful. Silly, I know - but it's so easy to take things for granted. Every now and then, it's important to look at your life in perspective, and be thankful for all of the good things.