I just need this space to vent right now, and this post may not be full of positive vibes - for that, I apologize in advance.
I'm feeling overwhelmed right now, and tired. My personal training sessions have been going really well. During the hour that I'm with my trainer, I give it my all. I push myself hard, I try everything, and I have a good time. I'm making lots of progress, to boot - my flexibility, balance, and strength is getting better by the day. I'm so happy that I committed to the sessions.
It's what happens outside the sessions that I'm having trouble with. My eating has been relatively good - but my urge to eat is still there. I am having so much trouble trying to quell it when I'm stressed or tired. I am trying to make meal plans, but am having trouble sticking with them. I'm back to feeling like I need to be "perfect", and the second I step even slightly out of line, I've blown it.
I love walking with the baby in her stroller. But I don't like the fact that that's my main source of cardio - and if the weather is bad, or the baby is fussy, it just doesn't happen. Plus, it still doesn't feel like "me" time. I still feel like I'm taking care of the baby the whole time...and I'm therefore not really motivated to go on these walks. I miss the fact that working out used to be my time - whether it was a long walk with my iPod, or sweating up a storm at the gym - it used to be about me.
I've tried to step back and analyze the situation. Is the act of taking care of a 4-month old baby and losing weight mutually exclusive? Of course not. But I want it to be - and that's what I'm struggling with. I'm wanting to compartmentalize the two activities, but of course, I can't. I used to have incredibly healthy habits - and now, I'm having a tough time reversing them.
I've gone through such a big life change. And whenever that's happened, I go through a period of emotional change too. With that, my eating triggers tend to act up. It happened when I got married, finished grad school, etc. That's what's happening now. I know this - but how can I stop it? I feel so overwhelmed by it all. I want to lose weight - without question. I am sick and tired of not fitting into my clothes. I can plan healthy meals, make time to exercise...but why am I just not doing it? I don't know.
I feel like I'm sinking into quicksand right now, as far as my weight is concerned. But there's a teeny-tiny branch that I can still grab onto....I just need a bit of help.