The closet. Does it even qualify as a room in my apartment? If so, I've been avoiding it like the plague for several months now.
It's been getting more and more unruly, and I've been in complete denial about its state. There are clothes in every size hanging about my closet. There are big clothes, from when I was at my "starting" weight. And then, I lost about 25lbs, and bought some new clothes. And then, I got pregnant, and bought some maternity clothes. And now, I don't fit into anything, and have been recycling 2 pairs of jeans, my yoga pants, and some t-shirts.
I realize that having all of those clothes from my past hanging about were causing some anxiety. Seeing pregnancy clothes everyday wasn't helping me. My "old" clothes that are still too small make me sad. And my big clothes also make me feel a bit blue. You know, they're a bit like old boyfriends - hanging about, and inducing memories that are both good and bad.:-)
When I walk into the closet in the morning, I zone out all of the clothes in every size, strewn across the shelves - and always go for the same 2-3 hangers. This weekend, I needed to wear something when we went out on Saturday night, and I couldn't find anything. Standing in my closet, brimming to the top with a sea of fabrics, and there was nothing that I could wear. Or wanted to wear. How ridiculous is that? I was near tears, until hubby came in and saved the day by finding an old top that I had forgotten about. How can a bunch of clothes reduce me to such a helpelss state?
So, I've decided that I'm going to indulge in a little bit of self-therapy. I'm going to purge that closet of everything that I'm not wearing and don't intend to wear ever again. I realize that I'll be left with clothes that are a bit too small for me right now. Well, I'm gonna have to live with it, and work towards fitting into them again. I am not going to shell out any more money on clothes that are for my post-preggo "transition" state. And believe you me, this is a transition state - I cannot stay this way for much longer.;-)
The weird thing is, I have an emotional attachment to some of my clothes. They bring back memories of experiences that I had while wearing them. Perhaps part of the reason that I've been so reluctant to engage in closet-purging has been because I haven't wanted to part with some of my clothes. But I think it's time.
Clearing some of this physical clutter should hopefully clear some of my mental clutter too, and help me realize that I'm on the path to a better and healthier me. So am I coming out of the closet? Or going in? Probably a mix of both.:-)