Wednesday, June 06, 2007

"I've been living so long with these pictures of you, that I almost believe that they're real..."

I was a teenager in the early 90's, so naturally, I loved The Cure.:-) Except the line in that song is REALLY fitting at the moment.

We all have different complexes when it comes to seeing ourselves in photos, right? Some of us thing we look atrocious in MOST photos and hate being photographed. Some of us think we look amazing. And of course, there are some in between.

Well, there have been some photos taken of me recently that are pretty freaking unflattering. Although I know I have extra poundage that needs to be lost, I certainly did not think that I currently look like Jabba the Hut. Only worse. And I'm not exaggerating.

I don't LOVE having photos taken, but I also don't mind them - especially if a moment is being captured. I rarely look at photos of myself and think that they're brilliant - but there are a few photos that I'll actually look at, and feel happy about the image reflected back at me. Lately, those images are far and few.

What is it about photos that are different about a mirror reflection? And why is the mirror reflection never as truthful? Maybe because it isn't permanently etched onto a piece of paper? Because when I look in the mirror, I know that I need to lose weight - but I don't think that I look unfit to be seen by the general public, you know? These recent photos, however, turned my stomach.

I really do feel like I'm living in a fat-suit at the moment, and I want so desperately to shed it. I'm working on it, I know - but I'm kicking myself in the butt for allowing things to get to this stage in the first place. It is sooooo easy to gain weight - like, looking at a piece of cake will add 5 lbs onto my body. Losing it takes extraordinary determination, blood, sweat, and tears. And remind me again why I don't remember this before inhaling a bowl of ice-cream?

Well, I'm on my way to changing this. I wish it could happen quickly, but that is life. As crushed as I am by these recent pictures, it is just more motivation to get myself into gear.

Having said that....they'll make great "Before" pictures. Because my "After" one's are going to knock my own socks off.;-)


jeannie* said...

Oh man -- I completely hear you. I knew that I put on some weight last fall/winter... but when the Christmas pictures surfaced I was ready to run for the hills! Sometimes pictures are great motivators... even if we do look dreadful in them.

And I adore that song :)

jodi said...

i think photos just show the whole package, top to bottom, sometimes the mirror only shows part of us... i can practice smiling, so my double-chin doesn't show up, for hours and when the picture is taken - BAM its there... i never win so i stopped trying... ;o)

Teresa said...

I think we all dread the camera. Images in a mirror are fleeting while photos are a permanent record. Here's to motivation. Have a great day.

CaRoLyN said...

I know what you mean about the pictres. When I was at my heaviest (about 222 lbs) I would see a picture taken of me and think...who is that girl in the photo???? It sure as hell isn't me! It was honeslty like looking at a stranger. I didn't recognize myself. But they are great inspiration!

iportion said...

I am glad I had my wedding photos taken even though I was over 200 pounds most likely 215 to 220
I see a woman in love

noelle said...

Remember that you didnt' just gain all that weight over night. It took a long time...9 months, maybe?! LOL

You need to expect it to take that long to get it back off, too. That sounds like a long time, but you'll do it.

Are you nursing your little one? I found it harder to get below a certain weight (173) until that baby was matter if it was at 6 months or 14 months.

It will happen mama.

And I need to post some of my before pics, granted half the time I'm pregnant, but still I was HUGE!!! Not any more, though! LOL

KleoPatra said...

Just keep going, Sonya. Slow and steady not only wins the race but it's the best way for permanent change to take place and HOLD.

We all have days like this... months, too evern!! i have photos of me when i am WAY too skinny and photos when i've been 30 lbs. overweight, but i don't like to look at them. Bad memories, both ways!!

i love you, friend! You be good to yourself, Sonya...

Kim said...

Hi Sonya!

I wanted to let you know that you have received a "Thinking Blogger Award". Check out my blog for the details!! :)

KL said...

I hate photographs of myself and usually offer to take the pictures instead. It's nice, now, to have some comparison pictures, though.

As for why it's different from the reflection in the mirror ... it's permanent. You can't take it back.

Living to Feel Good said...

You have something there with the mirror vs camera thing. I've often thought similar things.

My friend who had her baby 10 months ago is struggling too. Hang in someone said it took you 9 months to gain it.

Kate said...

I just started reading your blog.

I know what you mean about pictures. When I was in Cancun this year, I had multiple pictures of me in a bathing suit (this was at the very very beginning of my Weight Loss Journey), and I think I look terrible in them. Now that I'm 17lbs light, I still don't think I look great, but I sure like what I see more than I did before! But I don't know that I will ever be 100% happy with myself in pics.