Friday, July 20, 2007

"Shyness can stop you - from doing all the things in life you'd like to"

I've been thinking a lot about my "other" appearance lately. You know, my appearance beyond the weight.

For several years now (so many that I've lost count) - I've lumped my "overweight" appearance with my "other" appearance. In other words, since I lost control of my weight, I stopped caring about how I looked in general. Subconsciously, I knew what I was doing. But I was just too tired and lazy to care. Plus, part of me thought - I'll start caring more about how I look to the outside world after all this weight has come off. Until then, why bother, right?

So, I've spent several years now, not paying too much attention to the style of my clothes. As long as they camaflouge the right areas, fit comfortably, and look relatively modern - it's all good. I go the salon to get my hair all done up - and then two days later, I start pulling it back into a ponytail everyday. I wear glasses a LOT - even though I have heaps of disposable lenses sitting in my drawer that I could wear. Make-up: I love buying it, but I wear it very simply. Anyway, does it really matter when my eyes are always hiding behind my glasses? You get the picture.

Well, the situation has worsened since I've become a mom. I often run out of the house in a completely dishevelled state, since I'm on a "timer" with the baby. I rotate the same 3-4 outfits - doing a quick check for baby spit-up before I leave the house. I rarely have time for make-up - and sometimes, I'm lucky if I have time to run a brush through my hair.

Why am I subconsciously "waiting" to lose weight before taking some pride in my appearance? It's a ridiculous notion. Sure, I'm not happy with the way I look from a body image perspective. But that doesn't mean that I have to start letting myself go. And like it or not, that's exactly what I'm doing. It goes along with the whole "waiting" to do things in life I've always wanted to, until after I lose the weight. I've never been that kind of person - I've gone ahead and done whatever I've wanted. Why is it so different when it comes to my appearance?

I was looking at some photos of myself the other day, where I had actually taken some time to do my hair and make-up before we were going somewhere. And I thought, "I actually look quite nice in that photo!". Why can't I look like that all the time? I easily can - if I just try.

It has a lot do with how I feel inside, because of my weight. It's all about hiding out from the world...if I start to get noticed because of my hair or eyes - won't people inevitably notice this weight? And maybe I just don't want to get noticed like that yet! At the same time, I want to feel confident and good about myself - why wait for my weight to come off, before I start feeling that way?

I'm on this 100-day (now 90-something-day) challenge - and I'm committing to stick to it until the bitter end. One of my goals by the end, is to take some more pride in my appearance. Not to sound like a Cover Girl Ad, but I think I'm worth it.;-)


Kim said...

You ARE worth it. :)

Brad said...


I think alot of us fall into that trap of waiting to do things until XXX.

I personally don't have any other cover girl/boy pictures of when I did take pride in my appearance, but hopefully I will someday!

Good luck with your challenge.

Healthy Mummy said...

You sound a lot like me. I feel the same about my appearance, I love clothes but you'd never know looking at me.

Have fun being girly.

Teresa said...

Totally relate to what you said. Alot of us have done the same, trying to be inconspicous and putting it off something until....

Don't put "it" off any longer, you are worth it.

Take care

Teresa said...

Yes spending time with our girlfriends really does bring a new dimension into our lives. We get so hung up on doing the family thing that we sometimes forget how much fun they can be. And sometimes that's just exactly what you need. All the best

pinknest said...

and you are so worth it!! i know it must be incredibly hard to pay attention to clothes and makeup and hair and such as a mom. but you'll feel so much better, emotionally and physically once you take control of all these things! you'll feel GOOD!

jodi said...

i think every woman should feel pretty, just as much as look pretty... it doesn't take much to look 'pulled together' either: put on some good moisturizer, some blush, some mascara, and some lip gloss, and you're good to go... maybe buy yourself a pretty headband or a new outfit - its amazing how better you will feel... :o)

PearShapedGirl said...

I completely understand what you are talking about. I've been putting some things off for more than 10 years now and I'm only 25! The one thing that I never let go was my appearance (I always have make-up on and my hair done), but that was mostly to compensate for being fat. I almost felt like if I was thinner I could get away with less make-up or a bad hair day. But lately as I've gained more and more weight I've noticed that I stopped caring about my appearance as well and that just won't do! Maybe I'm really vain, haha. Anyway, I realized that I deserve to look the best that I can on any given day, and you do too! It's great that you've come to this realization!

Take care,

Chris H said...

Yes you are worth it chick, so get up every morning and put on your face! I do, even if I am going nowhere! It's a positive start to the day, and good things can flow from there! Good luck.

KleoPatra said...

You're a lot more than what you look like AND a heck of a lot more than what you choose to wear.

i'm a firm, firm believer in "it's what's inside that counts" and Sonya, you know i think the world of you.

Just wanted to let you know.

CaRoLyN said...

You are worth it for sure!
You must be one of the most perceptive people I have met. It's so great that you realise that these are things you can do now, stop waiting. You can't 'wait' your life away!
I was the exact opposite when I was 70 lbs heavier. I would never leave the hosue unless I was all done up. Hair had to be perfect, make up had to be done ALL the time, I always wore dress pants etc. I thought that if I had perfect hair and makeup and clothes, no one would notice my weight. It's funny how your perception is altered when you are overweight. It's so exhausting trying to hide your weight. I know what you mean Sonya. You are doing a fabulous job! Keep it up!

noelle said...

You are worth it! It's hard to remember that sometimes when you are the mama and feel just so consumed, but this is a great way to take care of YOU!

Keep it up girl

FatBlokeThin said...

I have been fat since childhood and I burn up when I think of all the things I backed away from because of my size..

It has taken me 25 years to get my head completely straight (even now it's still a struggle - lol!)and I am losing weight consistently for the first time ever.

'You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.' Buddha

Enjoy life.


Christy_Ann said...

I had the same problem after having my son! Don't wait to loose weight to treat yourself!

As I keep reminding my husband: "if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!!"

FatBlokeThin said...

Sorry to ‘spam’ you but I am holding a fun weight loss challenge over at my blog FatBlokeThin.

If you want to join in, please leave a comment or e-mail me. Thanks!


urban vegan said...

You are SO DAMN WORTH IT. It is hard to stand out. I find most people want to blend in. But it's a wonderful thing when you realize that you are a unique person with improtant things to say and a singular way of expressing them.

Sonya said...

Hi there, I just found your blog from a link of someone else.

Now what are the chances that I would read a blog entry that basically feels like it was written by myself (we have so much in common!) and the person writing it has the same name!!!! Scary.... thank you for your blog note, it's nice to know I'm not alone.

marie said...

it's funny; when i was overweight, i used to say my best features were my eyes and my lips, and covered up every other part of me in slouchy clothes, afraid to show the world my "fat".

now that i have lost weight, I have begun to love other parts of my body, take more care in what i wear and would probably choose my arms or my collarbone or something else that i've worked hard to achieve.

maybe i do have more confidence & self-esteem now than i give myself credit for...

but we're worth it. no matter what size or shape we are. a little bit makes us feel like a million bucks and a positive self image can truly help us get there faster.

Rev said...

Oh man, I do that too. Good luck reversing that! :)