I've been thinking a lot about my "other" appearance lately. You know, my appearance beyond the weight.
For several years now (so many that I've lost count) - I've lumped my "overweight" appearance with my "other" appearance. In other words, since I lost control of my weight, I stopped caring about how I looked in general. Subconsciously, I knew what I was doing. But I was just too tired and lazy to care. Plus, part of me thought - I'll start caring more about how I look to the outside world after all this weight has come off. Until then, why bother, right?
So, I've spent several years now, not paying too much attention to the style of my clothes. As long as they camaflouge the right areas, fit comfortably, and look relatively modern - it's all good. I go the salon to get my hair all done up - and then two days later, I start pulling it back into a ponytail everyday. I wear glasses a LOT - even though I have heaps of disposable lenses sitting in my drawer that I could wear. Make-up: I love buying it, but I wear it very simply. Anyway, does it really matter when my eyes are always hiding behind my glasses? You get the picture.
Well, the situation has worsened since I've become a mom. I often run out of the house in a completely dishevelled state, since I'm on a "timer" with the baby. I rotate the same 3-4 outfits - doing a quick check for baby spit-up before I leave the house. I rarely have time for make-up - and sometimes, I'm lucky if I have time to run a brush through my hair.
Why am I subconsciously "waiting" to lose weight before taking some pride in my appearance? It's a ridiculous notion. Sure, I'm not happy with the way I look from a body image perspective. But that doesn't mean that I have to start letting myself go. And like it or not, that's exactly what I'm doing. It goes along with the whole "waiting" to do things in life I've always wanted to, until after I lose the weight. I've never been that kind of person - I've gone ahead and done whatever I've wanted. Why is it so different when it comes to my appearance?
I was looking at some photos of myself the other day, where I had actually taken some time to do my hair and make-up before we were going somewhere. And I thought, "I actually look quite nice in that photo!". Why can't I look like that all the time? I easily can - if I just try.
It has a lot do with how I feel inside, because of my weight. It's all about hiding out from the world...if I start to get noticed because of my hair or eyes - won't people inevitably notice this weight? And maybe I just don't want to get noticed like that yet! At the same time, I want to feel confident and good about myself - why wait for my weight to come off, before I start feeling that way?
I'm on this 100-day (now 90-something-day) challenge - and I'm committing to stick to it until the bitter end. One of my goals by the end, is to take some more pride in my appearance. Not to sound like a Cover Girl Ad, but I think I'm worth it.;-)