Wednesday, November 21, 2007

"Ooops there goes another year, oops there goes another pint of beer..."

First of all, thanks for the warm welcome back! I feel so wuvved.;-)

So, my daughter's first birthday is around the corner and it's not really sinking in. Another entire year of my life has gone by. And what a whirlwind it has been!

I'm supposed to be going back to work in a few weeks. I'm supposed to be a "pro" at this mom thing now. I'm supposed to be 60lbs lighter.

Of course, I'm dreading going back to work. When I was pregnant, I looked SO forward to having this year off - and now that it's over, I'm in a weird, hazy state. Can I really go back to that desk and stare at a computer screen all day after my life has changed so dramatically?

As for being an expert at the mom thing, that's definitely not the case. While I adore my daughter like there's no tomorrow, I still find myself utterly exhausted at the end of each day - it's a tireless (and rewarding) job, being a mom. I learn something new from her everyday, and perhaps she learns something new from me. But still - I think it's going to be a lifelong journey!

As for those pesky 60lbs on my bod - well, I think a good chunk of them are still attached to me. I started to think about where I wanted to be in December - most of my weight gone, wearing brand new clothes back to work, and looking like the picture of health. When I realized that I won't have any of those things, I started to get down. But then, I decided it was time to give myself a break. Sort of.

It's been a year of such immense change, and I have tried to be perfect at everything. Which has resulted in me being perfect at nothing. I'm starting to realize that "doing my best" is an amazing thing, and I need to pat myself on the back for trying. It's been a year of personal training, gym memberships, stroller fit classes, and plenty of attempts at losing weight. And all of those attempts may seem fruitless right now, but they were all a part of my adjustment process to where I am right now.

So, instead of getting down about how there are only six-ish weeks left this calendar year, and I haven't met my weight loss goal - I'm going to hold my head up high and carry on. There's ZERO point in fretting, isn't there? Especially when I've got so much work to do!

I also realized that being somewhat lackadaisical about weighing in regularly, and keeping a regular exercise routine isn't helping me. I need targets, mini-goals, and a plan. I know that I've tried that before, and I've veered away - but it's only because I didn't want to admit that I wasn't sticking to it. So, enough of that - I'm going to start tracking things with a vengeance! Sweating my arse off at the gym! And I'm going to feel good about myself everyday for any attempt that I make for becoming healthier - whether it's going to the gym, drinking an extra glass of water, or telling myself I can do it.

And I'll let you in on a little secret. I had a dream last night, and in it, I was thin. In my entire life, I've never imagined myself as being thin - I could never visualize it. And last night, when I saw that image of myself, I knew that there was nothing I wanted more.

So, 60lbs, here I come to kick your butt! You might get a few throws every now and then, but you're not going to beat me this time.


iportion said...

I love being a wife and a mom.

CaRoLyN said...

What an amazing attitude! I know you can do it. I think setting mini goals and planning some gym time are exactly what you need! You have the right frame of mind!

Veg*Triathlete said...

Go, Sonya! I've loved reading about your fitness adventures -- especially the stroller class! Keep moving - I have a feeling we're going to be reading about another 2 lb loss very soon :-)