So I woke up this morning feeling very sore from my "run" last night. I decided that I was still going to my Booty Hop aerobic class. Packed up the baby, timed his nap, etc (which is a production!) and headed off to my class.
I got there, and it turns out that the class got canceled because the instructor called in sick. I was disappointed (but of course, it's not the instructor's fault that she was sick!). Still, me and a bunch of other moms and babies were kind of stranded.
I decided to walk home (with my son in his carrier), which took a solid 30 minutes. It was good exercise, to say the least!
I had a good lunch of cheese cubes / tofu in a spicy tomato and pea sauce. I was hankering for something sweet afterward. There was one cookie left from a batch that I baked earlier this week (and only had one of! I sent the rest to work with my husband). I decided to treat myself.
This is a dangerous thing. As soon as I ate it, I felt guilty. Like I had "blown" my diet. That I wasn't worthy of having something. Soon, I started to feel like I had opened up Pandora's box. Well, I might as well have a popsicle. Or a square of chocolate. But instead, I decided to take control of my thoughts and started talking to myself: "I've done a great job this week, and that cookie was really enjoyable. I'm glad I treated myself. Time to move on. I don't need another one!". It worked. I'm happy with what I had. It's amazing to feel in control.
Deprivation isn't going to work for me on this journey, because it's simply unsustainable. However, I need to teach myself that it's okay to enjoy these things in moderation. I'm starting to see the light.