Monday, October 12, 2009

Being accountable

So here's the thing with blogging about weight loss. It makes you accountable. To the entire internet! It's not like I have a massive following or anything, but you know what I mean.

And when there's silence in blog-land, you can almost certainly assume that it means the weight loss ain't going well. Why? Because it's embarrassing to come back and write about it. Why again? Well, it feels like I'm letting people down. It feels like I'm weak. And it feels like people will stop believing in me, and will think that I'm pathetic.

But the thing is, I swore to myself that when I started blogging again, I would be brutally honest about my efforts. I'm writing here to vent my own thoughts, but also on the off-chance that I'll say something someone out there can relate to, and maybe it'll help them get through another day on their journey. I'd rather come back here and write about how much I'm struggling, then to be silent.

I confess to the following:

I haven't weighed myself in awhile.
I haven't been as fastidious about my eating as I should be.
I haven't run / exercised in almost a week.

Am I sad that I haven't been caring? Yes. Do I still want to lose weight and be fit? Yes. Do I wish that I could just get it together and be consistent? ABSOLUTELY.

I think I need to start thinking about why I continue to sabotage my own efforts.

I'm the type of person that can accomplish almost anything that I set my mind to. Losing weight has been the biggest challenge I've ever had to deal with. I don't know why - I'm sure there are some embedded issues from childhood that require further analysis. But it's not impossible.

But what it boils down to, is that the only person stopping me from succeeding is ME. And the only way I'm going to get healthy is by being consistent. Not wavering in my efforts. Not making excuses. Not giving up.

Life is busy. I almost always come last on the priority list everyday, especially as far as my family is concerned. I need to start making this my focus. Every single day. That doesn't mean I have to stop living life. But it means that I need to give it lots of effort.

So, ladies and gents. I'm sure you're tired reading about me wanting to try. But not as much as I am writing about it. And thinking about it. And feeling guilty about it. So I'm just going to climb back on the horse again. I don't know if this will be the last time, but I sure hope so.

The point is, I ain't giving up until I get to the end.


MizFit said...

delurking to say never tired of hearing you wanting to try.
I know for me it took months and months of saying I would try before it clicked and I simply DID.

your moment will come.

today? perhaps.

xo xo,

MizThereIsNoTryingOnlyDoing :)

Rebecca said...

sonya...we've all been there.

we will each have our moment and with you not giving up, means, you'll get yours soon too!


Teresa said...

I think your post represents many of us out here. You just said everything I have been thinking and doing. I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone. Back on we go! ((Take care))