Forgive me for being a bit philosophical this Friday, but I've had a lot running through my mind lately. The lovely Christy has commented that I can sound a bit like a self-help book, and this is probably an extension of that!
Last night while I was pondering some, oh, light topics like the meaning of life, children, and love, I came to a realization about myself and this weight loss journey. It's really, really, really, simple.
I've gotten to the place that I'm in (excess weight, unhealthy lifestyle) because I didn't care about myself. Every time I reached for an extra piece of chocolate, or decided to indulge in some extra pizza, etc., etc., I was making a conscious decision to not care for myself. Yes, I said conscious. Maybe I deny it when I'm in the act, but frankly, I always feel guilty afterward. That must mean it happens consciously.
The next question is, why have I disrespected my body all this time? Well, that is going to require some more philosophical pondering to answer. I don't know, and I think it's as a result of a lot of things. But it has been going on for long enough.
So all this time, I've been trying to "stay on the wagon", and "walk on a straight line". I've been trying to "eat perfectly", "exercise perfectly". And frankly, perfection is impossible. It's not sustainable. And when we fail, we feel guilty, and engage in unhealthy behaviour again and again. Hence, my having a weight loss blog for a few years now. I enjoy blogging, don't get me wrong, but I would really like to start blogging about something else very soon!
I made the decision some time ago that it was time for a change. That now was the time. Starting "this" second, I was going to reform. I realize now, that while my efforts were noble, I was missing one fundamental thing. I needed to care about myself. Because you can force yourself to go on a "diet" or "watch" what you eat. You can force yourself to strap on those shoes and exercise everyday. But in your heart of hearts, if you truly don't want it, there's no point. And the only way you'll truly want it is if you care deeply for yourself. Making the decision with your mouth is totally different from making the decision with your heart.
For me, this realization feels like the key. It's the piece that has finally unleashed something and makes sense to me. I didn't wake up this morning and proclaim love for myself. But I did feel a bit more respectful of my body. And in time, I hope the respect will deepen. If I can work on this, I think the health and weight loss will come much more easily.
I don't know if any of this made sense. Or maybe it's like, duh! Of course! But different things "click" for different people. And this was a huge revelation last night. This means that I'm going to be living life, caring for myself, and getting healthy along the way. As opposed to trying to get healthy and squeezing the "life" part into my regimen.
Free your mind, and the rest will follow. So true.