Friday, January 08, 2010

Finally, a fire in my belly

So January 1st came and went. Normally, I feel all revved up for the New Year. While I was excited about ushering in 2010, I wasn't feeling that much different about January 1st. It really just felt like another day along my journey. I didn't feel like faking a sudden and "new" sense of resolve along with the rest of the world.

But this past week, something just clicked for me. After several weeks of feeling like a sloth, I had an "enough is enough" moment. I'm not comfortable in my skin. I don't feel energized. I'm not working towards my goals.

But mostly, dammit, I don't want to end 2010 being obese. Plain and Simple.

I am tired of struggling with my weight. I'm tired of starting over and over again. I'm tired of not believing in myself.

So, this is where I'm at: if I can't make a commitment to do this for myself this year, it's never going to happen. Because honestly? I refuse to get off my arse only because a doctor suddenly diagnoses me with high blood pressure, diabetes, or heart disease. I want this to be on my terms.

I'm not sure what it's going to take emotionally, because that is really the root cause of my compulsion to eat. But that's where I'm going to start. I'm going to start writing here more, and will start to change my eating behaviour by addressing my feelings, instead of ravaging the cupboards.

Tomorrow, January 9th, I am starting a new challenge. I'm not joining to win anything (although that'd be a nice side benefit!). I am joining for myself. I am competing against myself. And in six months time, I will see a totally different person staring back at me in the mirror.

I've been here before. Starting challenges, filled with hope and resolve. Sometimes my enthusiasm has seen the loss of ten pounds. Sometimes, I've stopped after a few days.

But I'm done with false starts. This time, I'm going to prevail.

Finally, I see what all the "2010" fuss is about. I'm about to start this next decade being the most fit I've ever been.


Rebecca said...

I wish you the best in 2010 Sonja!!

I know it's hard and tough, you deserve to conquer this!

Christy said...

I'm SOOOO excited for 2010! And I'm so excited to be doing the challenge with someone who I can totally relate to.

Everything you wrote is exactly how I feel and I have a good feeling that it's going to be our year :)

All Women Stalker said...

When you're making a big change in your life, it's always best to do it for yourself. Not for anyone else. They come second. If you see the value in the changes, other people will follow.

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