My biggest challenge this time around will be sustain my motivation. I need to keep my eye on the prize. Because being this fat for the rest of my life is not an option.
So please bear with me as I make my list of reasons for wanting to lose weight. In no particular order. It's a laundry list, but I want to come back here when the craving for chocolate over-powers me. I want to come back here during weeks where I've tried really hard, but the scale doesn't budge and I want to throw in the towel. But most of all, I'll come back here at the end of my journey and read this ENTIRE list again.
Phew. Here goes nothing.
- I don't want to look like I'm still pregnant. After two kids, my stomach sags and bulges. Mortifying moment yesterday at the mall: a random person saw me walking by, and shouted out, "when are you due?". I wanted to crawl into the ground and die. It still hurts like hell to think about it.
- I don't want to hide behind baggy clothes anymore. I don't want to have to stand in front of my closet each morning, and think, "what will hide my body the best?". One day, I want to ask myself: "Which top will show off my neckline, my waist, my collarbones the best?".
- I don't want to to turn to food like it's my therapy. Those size-2 girls in the movies that drown their sorrows in Ben & Jerry's after a bad break-up are just make believe. I want to turn to exercise, to my friends, to my husband.
- I want to run in a marathon one day. I'm a runner, trapped in a fat girl's body. My ultimate goal is to break free, and the chains will fall off one last time when I cross that finish line.
- I want to chase after my kids like nobody's business. I want to lift them over my head, give them piggy-back rides, and dance with them for hours. I don't want to feel tired or sad, because I can't play. These are their most precious years.
- I want to live a healthy life, and live until I'm 100! I'm sure that I've already shaved years off my life with this extra weight (scary thought). It's time to change.
- I want to get a holistic nutritionist designation. Funny as it sounds, I think I'd be good at counseling others when it comes to healthy eating. I need to get my own house in order first.
- I want to be one of those people that has a penchant for cute clothes just because I can.
- I want to be happy with every photo I see of myself. I don't want to cringe inside.
- I want to be proud of my body. I want my family to be proud of me.
- I want to be the person that people ask, "How do you stay so fit and healthy?". I want to beam with pride.
- I want to be in control when it comes to food. I don't want to be its slave anymore.
- I want my children to learn from my example. I want them to run races with me when they're young. I want to run races with them when I'm old.
- I want to feel happy in my skin again. I'd love to run my hands along my hips, and feel muscle and strength. I want to feel limber. I want to feel sexy.
- Fifteen reasons already! I feel like I could go on and on forever, so here's the last one: I want to lose weight because right now, it's in my control to do it. I don't want to wait until I get diagnosed with an illness. I don't want to wait until my knees give out. I want to do this on my terms.