So I took my little guy over to my parents' place today. That meant that I wouldn't get home until really late, and that going for my run would be out the window. I tried to convince myself that I could still go after dark. You know that voice? It's the kind of pretend voice that temporarily convinces you that everything is going to be on track. For example, it's the one that tells you that you'll order a salad at the pub, when you've ordered fries every other time. It's also the voice that gets up with you on Monday morning after a rotten weekend of eating, and tells you that you're going to work out every single day that week to compensate. Yes, it's the voice that makes you feel good when really, you know better. Because deep down inside, despite best intentions, you know that the probability of succeeding is next to nothing. That is the voice I'm trying to drown out, and make a reality.
Anyway, I knew that the run wouldn't happen after dark. So instead, I took my running shoes over to my parents' place. And I did it during the day. Lord knows I didn't want to, and that a million excuses were milling around in my head. But I went. And it was BRUTAL. There were lots of hills that I had forgotten about in the neighbourhood. Why is it that when you're running up a hill (against the wind), does it feel like you're literally jogging on the spot? I felt like I wasn't moving. But I finished. And that's what counts.
I had to visit my brother this evening, and caught my reflection in the elevator mirror at his building. Honestly, I didn't like what I saw. I'm usually fairly ambivalent about how I look (which is probably why I've gone for this long without doing anything about my weight). But today, my heart sank at the image staring back at me. The first thought that crossed my mind is: I still look pregnant. I had a baby seven months ago, but I still look like I'm a few months pregnant.
And that's the moment where I made a deliberate effort to move to positive thinking. Instead, I walked home briskly, and thought about how my run today moved me one more step away from my overweight body. And the choices I make tomorrow will too.