Le Update

So my daughter had a fever all last night, and we didn't catch a wink of sleep. This morning, I made the decision to stay home from work. As soon as I put the phone down, I took her temperature again and it was normal. She has been giggly and cheeky all morning. Makes me wonder if she bought a little pill from another kid at daycare, to hoodwink me into hanging out with her all day! Needless to say, I am freaking exhausted. I've tried to pull my daughter into my bed with me, but she is only interested in grabbing my hair and poking my eyes. Sigh!

The diabetes diet continues. It continues to be hard, but I am persevering. Going to the gym really helps, but my sense of gravity and balance is a bit strange right now as my belly continues to burgeon. Still, I am sticking to it with all of my might.

My husband was laughing at me yesterday, because I've been SO strict with my eating. He's never seen me stick to something so closely as long as he's known me. He was like, "Are you only ever successful when you're on an extreme?!". It's kinda weird how the moderation thing has never worked for me when it comes to diet.

I miss chocolate. I miss cookies. I really miss cake. Not enough to put myself at risk -- but I have been dreaming about my first indulgence after the baby is born! Not that I'll go crazy, but to finally be able to eat like a normal person again.

I think I lost another 1/2 lb this week, which is just weirdness. Apparently, it's very common to lose weight on this diet during pregnancy and the baby will be just fine.

I've also been daydreaming about running again. I'll need to wait about 6-8 weeks after the baby is born, which puts me at the end of April. Perfect running weather! I am definitely going to sign up for a 5K in the Fall. I was even missing the elliptical machine the other day. Who knew that I'd crave exercise like this?

I'm going to wrap up work next week, just to give myself a few weeks of rest. I think I'll start lane swimming (or flutter-boarding) when I'm off, just to feel a bit buoyant. It'll be good!

This felt like a totally random post - but I'm just persevering. 7 weeks to go!

Doing good, and feeling fine!

I had my one-week check-up with the endocrinologist today to see how my blood sugars and eating have been going.

I've actually LOST a pound so far, which is hilarious.

She said that I'm doing GREAT, and that if I continue keeping this up there should be minimal risk to the baby. It was exactly what I needed to hear.

Interestingly, she said that she was nearly certain that I'd need insulin based on how high my blood sugars were, before I started the diet. She couldn't believe how I've turned things around. Little does she know what a determined young lady I am.:-)

This is still SUPER hard, but I'm taking it one day at a time. I can do this. I will do this.

My skin has NEVER looked better (other than the zit that is healing from a couple of weeks ago - which, by the way annoys me. I am 33 years old. When will I stop getting zits?!).

Dinner tonight: spicy tofu paneer with peas and corn.
Lunch today was: home-made tomato soup with barley and mixed vegetables. SO good.

Off to make myself some tea!

The diet of all diets!

Well, I had a plethora of blood tests and doctor's appointments last week. And for sure I have gestational diabetes.

They made me sit through a three-hour class on how to eat. At first, I was going to skip it since I thought I was a subject matter expert! But really, it was eye-opening. My carbs are spread out throughout the day so as to not spike my blood sugar. Also, it's crazy what a serving of carbs actually looks like.

I have been following the diet to a tee, and writing down every morsel of food that goes in my mouth. I was envying my journal yesterday - the list of food that I'm eating is GORGEOUS. I was eating relatively well beforehand, but nothing compares to the way I'm eating now.

Is this hard? Oh, heck yes. The fact that I can't eat what I want when I want it is awful. At the same time, I am petrified of what will happen to the baby if I don't follow this diet, so there is absolutely no choice. Isn't it amazing how things can change overnight if your hand is forced?

I've only gained 17lbs this pregnancy which is good - but it also makes me feel really frustrated as to why I'm in this position! But I know it was job stress and skipping meals that caused it. Oh, hindsight is 20/20.

The nurse made a comment about how I'm going to be all svelte by the time the baby comes! I scoffed at her. Now, I'm starting to wonder if some of it is true. I haven't felt this energetic in ages.

I'm off to make my dinner now. Baby greens with grilled vegetables (zucchini, orange pepper, asparagus, and portabello mushrooms) with goat cheese and sunflower seeds. And a spicy bean burger on the side. Yum.

The many bodies of Sonya....

The other day, I seriously purged my closet. To say that it was a crazy array of confusion would be an understatement. I have maternity clothes that I'm wearing now - work and casual. I have clothes that I bought earlier on in the pregnancy, that were "bigger" (but not maternity) when I hadn't told anyone at work yet, and was trying to conceal my burgeoning belly. I have clothes that I wore pre-maternity. And then there are clothes that were post weight loss (not my lowest weight, but somewhere in between) that I kept in my closet in hopes that I'd be wearing them in a few months.

How utterly insane, that I've had so many bodies! I couldn't believe it.

I also have a couple of boxes of clothes from several years ago, when I managed to lose almost 70lbs.

The one thing that I've realized, is that no matter what size I am, it's important for me to be wearing clothes that fit and make me feel good. For the longest time, I would punish myself with tight zippers and clothes that hugged me in all the wrong places. I'd still squeeze myself into them, thinking that it'd somehow motivate me to fit into them. But my confidence was horrible when I wore those clothes. I'd always feel self-conscious and would cover myself up as much as possible. There are countless pictures of me with my arms concealing my stomach.

But that's when I learned something about myself. I'm not motivated to lose weight so that I can fit into smaller sizes. My motivation is really about how I feel inside. That crazy adrenaline rush after a good workout. Seeing my skin start to glow. That little kick in my step when I'm walking around. Of course, I'd love to walk into a store and look good in anything off the rack. But that's not the most important thing to me.

As I cleaned out my closet, I looked at some of those smaller clothes and somewhat lamented. But then I realized: not only am I going to wear them later this year, I am going to feel totally amazing in them because I'll be so healthy. Maybe I'll even hit up my husband for some new clothes too.:-)

*

Eating is going really well. I made some home-style chocolate chip cookies for my hubby and daughter yesterday (from Dreena Burton's VLV book), and they came out really well. I only had a small one, and it was good enough.

My energy levels are much higher too. I'm still waiting to see the specialist about my diabetes - it's a bit annoying that the doctor's offices are still closed right now. I hope that the baby is doing okay, and that my problem isn't severe.

Worrying burns a lot of calories too, I'm afraid.:-(

But until then, I'm off to eat my goddess garbanzo sandwich (another Dreena Burton special!) and my organic golden delicious apple.

Good day!

Gone, but hopefully not forgotten: Welcome 2009!

I've practically rolled off the face of the planet, but I'm back now. I figured that January 1st, 2009 was as good a time as any to start blogging again. I enjoy writing, and being here keeps me accountable to all of my goals.

So much has happened over the last few months, so I'm just gonna bullet-point 'em:

• Started an insane new job that has me working about 60-70 hours a week;
• Running around after my (now two-year old!) toddler in my spare time hasn't been easy on top of my job;
• My uncle suddenly passed away from cancer in October. He was only diagnosed in late August. His 38 year-old daughter died from cancer only nine months before that. It left me reeling;
• Switched my daughter to a new daycare a couple of months ago - the transition has been tough, but I love her new space;
• And last but not least: I'm pregnant again. I'm about 7 months along now - it's flying by.

Unfortunately, I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes a couple of weeks ago. Basically, it's a "temporary" diabetes that can sometimes occur in women which impairs their ability to process insulin during pregnancy. The outcome could be serious unless I manage things properly. That means watching my diet super carefully, and exercising as much as possible. I haven't seen a specialist yet (office hours are all wonky over the holidays), but I hope that it's not severe.

I was pretty upset when I was first diagnosed. But now, I am almost smiling about it. There couldn't have been a better person to receive this news in some ways. I know exactly what I have to do to manage it, so I'm ready to kick some serious butt.

That, and it means that I get to start my weight management journey almost two months in advance of the baby's arrival! It's a head-start to where I want to go.

I've only gained about 15lbs so far in this pregnancy. I was probably up to 25 by this point last time around, so I'm doing well. I need to keep my gain under 20 in total.

I am *such* a fiend for lists, so it would be weird for me to not write out some of my goals for the coming year. Here goes:

• Run a 5K in September;
• Go back to work in January 2010 wearing the gorgeous suit that I found in my closet today, which is a size 14;
• Enjoy my maternity leave this time around (by not taking on any work!), and spending lots of time with the baby;
• Learning to drive again (loooong story, but I will chronicle my adventures);
• Cook a new vegan dish / dessert at least once a month;
• Read 3 new books;
  
• Take care of myself. Plain and Simple.

I'm not committing to numbers on a scale - I just want desperately to be at peace with my body and health. It has been a long time since I felt great in my skin.

So, here's a wonky start to my journey of health - never thought I'd be looking to maintain weight and be on a diet while being 7-months pregnant. But what's that saying again? There's no time like the present.

2009 is going to be freakin' fabulous.

Amazing

After following my simple rule for the last couple of days, I can't tell you how good I feel. I don't feel like I've been hit by a truck several times anymore. I'm not feeling 100% yet, but I'm feeling sooooo much better.

You know that "Do unto others" saying? Well, I firmly believe that it applies to the body too. I've been treating my body well, and it's starting to forgive me.;-)

Here's what I ate yesterday:

AM: Protein Shake
Snack: Crackers and lite cheddar, with a small bowl of organic strawberries
Lunch: "Magic Tofu" Sandwich with red peppers, onions, and vegan mayo on a ww baguette.
Aft Snack: two wedges of ww pita with falafel balls and hummus
Snack #2: Small arugula salad with chick peas, red pepper, hearts of palm, and currents
Dinner: 3 small-ish pieces of veggie pizza on ww crust. (This was admittedly, a but junky - but not the worst I could have done).

I probably could have done with more fruit - but I did well on the veggies and protein.

Tonight, hubby and I are going on an early dinner date for vegan dim sum. I'm going to stick to steamed dumplings, soup, and lots of greens. Will take some pictures and post tomorrow.

Have a lovely Saturday! For the first time in a long time, I'm feeling hopeful.:-)

Hello? Is anyone still out there?

I know, I know - where the heck have I been?

Well, there has been a lot of stuff going on in my life . Some of it good, some of it quite emotional. In fact, I'd say that I'm going through some of the toughest stuff I've ever gone through. Needless to say, it's necessitated a break from a lot of things - including blogging.

The one thing I've realized during my absence, is that no matter what your state of mind is, healthy eating and exercising can make ALL the difference. Of course, I learned this the hard way! I haven't had much of an appetite at all. When I have felt like eating, it's been total junk. This has caused me to have low energy, which meant no exercise. And the vicious cycle has continued. Emotionally, I began to feel worse as well.

So, I woke up this morning and decided that it truly is the first day of the rest of my life. Sure, my problems ain't gonna get sorted anytime soon - but I can't let myself deteriorate in the meantime, can I?

Weight-wise, as of a week ago, I was still maintaining my 10lb loss. Totally shocking, I know. Right now, I'm pretty sure I'm sitting on a good gain. It has been a horrendous week for eating, let me tell you.

So, I'm putting the past behind me and am moving on. I've always set up a ton of goals for myself - lists, timelines, targets. Today, I am going to create ONE simple rule for myself that I'm going to follow for as long as possible.

I'm not going to put anything in my mouth that I wouldn't feed my toddler.

That's it. But you wouldn't believe what a profound impact this rule has already had on me, and the way it's made me realize what a hypocrite I am when it comes to feeding her. I am beyond vigilant when it comes to ensuring that she has nourishing, balanced, and healthy meals. She gets treats often enough. But I'm guilty of eating total crap. It makes no sense.

So, with every morsel of food going in my mouth, I'm asking whether I'd allow my daughter to eat it. If the answer is no, it goes back where it came from. I'm not counting carbs, I'm not adding up calories. I'm simply going to follow this rule.

It hasn't been easy, since my body is addicted to salt and sugar again - but I think that once I get past this, things will be just fine.

Back on this journey again, and it feels good. Can't wait to reach my final destination.