Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Day 15: lowest point

I started to think about whether I had an "a-ha" moment this time around, where I hit my lowest point ever, and decided enough was enough of being overweight. I wouldn't say that there was one particular moment, but there was a very shameful incident that I'll share here.

I had gone to the grocery store several weeks ago, and while browsing through the aisles, I picked up a package of chocolate covered digestive cookies. It was unnecessary, but I did it anyway. Of course in my mind, I told myself that I'd only eat them sparingly and the package would last forever. I don't know why I kid myself about these things, when really, I have serious difficulty with self control and food.

My husband saw them as I was unpacking groceries, and commented on how they were his favourite, and he couldn't wait to enjoy them with tea over the weekend.

Anyway, the package lasted two days. I ate them all. I couldn't stop myself, yet I was completely mortified. I am almost never embarrassed in front of my husband but this time, I thought I'd die of shame. How could I have done this? Why did I do this? What the heck is wrong with me?

In a panic, I decided that I had to replace the cookies right away, and tried to find them at a store nearby. They were nowhere to be found. I wandered aimlessly, store after store, trying to find these cookies. I couldn't find them. Finally, after about ten stores, I found a shop that had similar cookies. I bought them and replenished our cookie tin at home, nervous that my husband would be able to tell the difference. Not sure if he did or didn't, but truthfully, that wasn't the point.

As I was scurrying around trying to replace these stupid cookies, it suddenly struck me: what am I doing to myself here? Something is so wrong with the relationship I have with food. This has to stop once and for all. It was one of my lowest and most embarrassing moments. That's when my mental transformation began. It still took weeks after that incident for me to hop on the wagon and start fighting the fight. But as the say, a journey of a million miles begins with a single step. There needs to be something that compels you to lift that foot for the first time and put it in front of the other. That was it for me.

Tonight, I'm going to try my hand at running again for the first time in ages. Running away from the old me, and running towards a life that is full of health and being fit.


Sonya said...

Thanks for sharing Sonya. That too courage. I think my wake up call was my little health scare and being told I had a fatty liver!!!! Scary. I'm also just tired of being tired.

I can relate to your story though. I use to eat my fast food in the car on the way home (oh wait, did I say eat, I mean inhale) so that my parents wouldn't know I ate it because I knew they would say something. Lately I felt bad I ate ice cream my best friend wanted some of. I couldn't believe regardless of knowing she wanted it, I just couldn't give her any because I wanted it all! - so sad.

jeannie said...

Sonya... you're back!! (Were you gone? Or did I just lose your blog... haha) Anyway so great to be reading again. And we've all been there... so just keep going! Youre doing great.